Higher Education
by brkstrtrcr
Summary: AU. Because everyone should give college the old college try.
1. Declared

Disclaimer: Kazuya Minekura owns Saiyuki. I do not.

Warning: Curse words and gay jokes abound.

Notes: This is going to seem somewhat disjointed and severely lacking in details, but in my head it makes perfect sense. Use your imaginations to fill in the details. I've been daydreaming over this idea for months now. I'm writing bits and pieces down and posting few of them. The basic concept is AU--the Sanzo-ikkou are college students.

**Declared**

brkstrtrcr

July 2009

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Sanzo muttered.

Goku grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his neck with ill-concealed chagrin. Why he was even remotely embarrassed was beyond Gojyo, who took another drag from his cigarette, leaned back in his chair on two legs, and grinned at the stupefied look on the blonde's pretty face. "Yeah, I'm here on a full scholarship," the youngest of their rag-tag little group confessed. "I was surprised when I found out about it."

"Skateboarding is a collegiate sport these days?" Sanzo drawled.

Hakkai shrugged good-naturedly, diffusing the tension between the two roommates effortlessly. It was what Hakkai was good at. "Sanzo, aren't you a Tibetan Buddhist Folklore major?" he pointed out. "I'm sure that there are stranger things to study in college."

Sanzo dragged his violet gaze away from Goku's fierce blush to level a glare at the other brunette. "I suppose," he frowned. Then the corner of his lips twitched up and he arched a brow at Gojyo, who was eying a few female students that had wandered into his peripheral vision. "What are you, an aspiring gynecologist?"

Gojyo had the good sense to look mildly affronted by that. "No, I'm undecided," he sniffed dramatically, letting his chair's legs hit the ground loudly and throwing a companionable arm over Hakkai's shoulders.

The blonde smirked. "Yeah, I can see that."

Goku chose that particular moment to snort milk out of his nose and choke uncontrollably as his distracted mind registered the intentional double meaning of Sanzo's words. As Hakkai leaned over and smacked the younger man helpfully between his shoulder blades, Sanzo looked up at the blue September sky. "I guess 'equal opportunity' means that this place has to accept all kinds of losers," he sighed sadly. And he had had such high expectations for this college...

Under the table Gojyo kicked him hard in the shins.


	2. Imagined

Disclaimer: Kazuya Minekura owns Saiyuki. I do not.

Warning: Language, randomness.

Notes: I felt so inherently wrong just _writing_ this...

**Imagined**

brkstrtrcr

July 2009

"No, if _x_ is thirteen then the f of _x_ has to be negative five."

Two sets of skeptical eyes stared incredulously across the carpet at Gojyo. Sanzo snapped his textbook shut and rubbed his temples in mounting irritation. "Are you legally retarded?" he asked through gritted teeth. "It's obviously seven."

The redhead rolled his eyes. "It's not my fault that you two can't add." He scribbled on a sheet of scratch paper for a moment, tongue held between his teeth in concentration, no doubt plugging his alleged solution into their current mathematics equations. After a moment he glared at the paper in disappointment and pointedly ignored Sanzo's told-you-so expression. "Well, I'm out of ideas."

Hakkai sighed and frowned down at the precalculus book in his lap. "You know, maybe it wouldn't hurt to ask--"

"Fuck, no!" Gojyo shouted, at the same time that Sanzo barked out, "Absofuckinglutely not!"

The brunette shut his mouth and glared at his friends. This childish animosity against requesting assistance with homework was getting a bit out-of-hand. They weren't making any progress whatsoever sitting here in Sanzo's shared room and staring at these functions as if they'd solve themselves. "Fine, if you two want to ruin your grade point averages, that's your business," he sighed, getting to his feet. "I'm going to ask him to solve this."

Gojyo and Sanzo stared up at him in horror. The situation would have been mildly amusing had it not been for how asinine their behavior had gotten. In all seriousness, Sanzo had the highest grades of any student in their residence hall, and Gojyo might have played the idiot in class but he was far from it. For all their intellect and academic prowess they really were acting immature...

All three men jumped when the dorm-room's door opened suddenly and Goku came tromping in, battered skateboard under one arm, backpack slung over the other. He dumped his things down on the unmade lower bunk--Sanzo's--and smiled amiably at his friends. It quickly faltered when his golden-brown eyes fell on the murderous expressions gracing Gojyo and Sanzo's faces. Even Hakkai seemed a little on-edge. "What's up?" he asked tentatively, taking a step back.

Ignoring him completely, the blonde rounded on Hakkai. "Speaking up the devil, aren't we?" he snarled.

Hakkai shook his head and silently handed his paper over to Goku. The younger student studied his careful, neat handwriting for a moment and laughed as the entire situation clicked into place. He tossed the paper back into Hakkai's lap and sighed. "The answer's six. You have to factor out the equation and toss the extraneous solutions. No negatives and no odd numbers'll work out for _x_." His grin widened as Sanzo and Gojyo scratched out their own proposed solutions with bitten-off curses. "Or you could have just listened to Hakkai and used the quadratic formula."

Violet and blood-red eyes glared daggers at the green-eyed man, who smiled nervously. "Give me that paper, Hakkai," Gojyo demanded coolly, barely concealing his anger.

Sanzo threw his textbook halfway across the room and dug around in his pockets, fishing out a half-smoked pack of Marlboros and his lighter. "Um, Sanzo you know you can't smoke in here..." Hakkai began, but the blonde's gaze promised violence.

"What, are you going to tell the damned RA on me?" he bristled.

Goku frowned. "'Kai, I thought you _were_ the RA for this floor? Didn't Yaone resign last week?"

Gojyo and Sanzo's horrified expressions were back instantly as they stared at Hakkai. He smiled. "Yes, I was waiting for the appropriate time to tell you all, but I suppose there truly is no time like the present," he chuckled nervously.

The redhead turned on Goku and arched an eyebrow. "Great, what's next? You're trying out for the cheerleading squad?"

The youngest student blushed furiously and leveled an accusing stare at Hakkai. "You weren't supposed to tell anyone!" he cried, then fled the room.

Sanzo bolted awake as the bell rang shrilly overhead, signaling the end of his three-hour literature lecture. He shook his head to clear his groggy vision and wiped the drool from his chin before snatching up his books and heading for the door behind his classmates. It had just been a stupid dream, he reassured himself, almost laughing at his own imagination's wanderings. In what universe would Goku be more fluent in arithmetic than a teacup...?

As usual, Goku was waiting outside, skateboard tucked under his arm, gold helmet hanging from his backpack's left shoulder strap. He grinned upon sight of his roommate, ignoring Sanzo's rolled eyes and easily dodging the cuff the blonde attempted to deliver to the back of his head. "How was class?" he laughed. "I heard old man Jikaku's Lit lecture is a real sleeper."

Sanzo grunted non-noncommittally and started down the hall. Beside him, Goku's gold eyes were drawn to a particularly brightly-colored flier tacked onto the wall. He paused mid-step. "Hey, Sanzo," he murmured thoughtfully, "You think this place has rules on who can try out for cheerleading?" When the lack of response was sufficient to drag the brunette's gaze away from the poster he found himself alone. "Sanzo?"

His roommate was already halfway down the hallway, kicking a trashcan rather viciously and snarling at several frightened female exchange students. Goku sighed and muttered, running after the blonde. "He's so damn weird..."


	3. Exposed

Disclaimer: Kazuya Minekura owns Saiyuki. I do not.

Warning: Language, minor Kougaiji-bashing.

Notes: I would say that Sanzo was mildly OOC in this, but for some creepy reason I can actually imagine him doing this...

**Exposed**

brkstrtrcr

July 2009

"Remind me why I'm baking out here in the sun, again?"

Gojyo rolled his red eyes and turned his attention back to the sprawling half-pipe ramp in front of them. The entire skate park was crowded and loud, cheering from the large audience deafening even Sanzo's thoughts. There was a palpable energy in the air, the tang of sweat and summer humidity thick enough to cut through, and the camera crews and various news outlets seemed intent on immortalizing every moment forever on film. As a rabid fan-girl shoved roughly past Sanzo without so much as a backwards glance or muttered apology, the blonde felt his temper rising dangerously with the surrounding noise level.

Ten feet above them his roommate was waiting with barely concealed nervousness for his turn to jump, board-first, into the fray of skaters. Goku was barely recognizable among the other young men, except for the bright gold helmet that protected his head. "Uh, oh," Gojyo spoke up from Sanzo's left, jabbing him in the ribs with a well-placed elbow. The blonde followed his friend's line-of-sight up and spotted a taller redhead pushing through the throngs of cameramen, medics, and fellow skaters, towards Goku.

"Kougaiji," the Buddhism major muttered. The redhead and Sanzo's bunk-mate had a rivalry of sorts, despite Goku's attempts at awkward friendship, and Sanzo had grown to dislike the man's proud arrogance and flair for dramatics. He bore the same sun-kissed brown skin that Sanzo had come to associate with an indecent amount of time in grungy skate parks under the blistering sun, but that was where the similarities between them ended.

Competition was healthy for men at their age. What Kougaiji harbored against Goku ran more along the lines of enmity, hatred even, and Sanzo knew that it wasn't his business, wasn't his own personal problem. He just didn't like it. Ignoring his better senses he stepped forward, leaving Gojyo to squawk indignantly behind him, disappearing into the throngs of observers, and Sanzo got as close as he could to the waist-high chain linked safety fence between the pulsing crowd and the half-pipe. When he caught sight again of that conspicuous gold helmet, Kougaiji was talking quickly into Goku's ear and the brunette's expression had gone from nervous anticipation to outright anger.

Before Goku had the opportunity to retort at his rival, the PA system squealed painfully to life and Kougaiji's name was called, marking him the first competitor. He hesitated for the briefest of seconds before turning away from Goku with an intense expression and lining up on the edge of the half-pipe, adjusting his elbow pads quickly and looking out over the crowd.

Sanzo had no idea what motivated him to do it, but he raised his fingers to his mouth and whistled as loudly as he could. Kougaiji's keen red-brown eyes zeroed in on him easily, and Sanzo smirked, making a rather inappropriate and altogether obscene gesture up at the other man. The redhead's eyes widened in shock and disgust, his concentration hopelessly shattered. The judges blew the air horn to indicate that Kougaiji's time had started and the redhead jumped in surprise, tripping over the edge of the half-pipe's upper platform and skidding ungracefully, ass-first, ten feet down to the bottom. The audience winced and let out an audible, collective groan. Kougaiji swore loudly and got to his feet, turning to glare back into the crowd at Sanzo, but his heckler was gone.

Sanzo walked past Gojyo and towards the park's exit without a word. The younger man followed him in confusion. "Where're you going?" he demanded. "Kougaiji just busted his ass and Goku's sure to win this, now. You're not staying to cheer the monkey on?"

Sanzo smiled because his back was to his friend and he knew that the other man couldn't see it. "I've got better things to do than watch Goku make an idiot of himself on wheels," he muttered, adding just enough sarcasm to his words to elicit a few insults from Gojyo before the man gave up and disappeared back into the crowd.

Sanzo would be a "black-hearted, fairy-assed narcissistic ice queen" any day just to see that look of humiliated rage on Kougaiji's face.

____________________________________________________

One thousand invisible cookies to anyone who gets why Goku's helmet is gold.


	4. Claimed

Disclaimer: Kazuya Minekura owns Saiyuki. I do not.

Warning: Language, excessive anti-feminist themes.

Notes: Can you use financial aid to pay for chastity belts?

**Claimed**

brkstrtrcr

July 2009

Sanzo absolutely, positively, without question _loathed _Homecoming week.

He'd been wrenched from sleep by the sounds of giggling outside his room. Several unanswered curses at Goku had forcibly reminded him that the monkey had left for class. Staggering blearily to his feet he'd stomped over to the door and flung it wide open wearing nothing but his pajama pants and a glare, but the hallway outside his room had been conspicuously empty, with the exception of a nosy RA. He'd shut the door firmly, locked it carefully, then went about the small controlled chaos of his room looking for socks and homework and his toothbrush. In the ensuing scavenger hunt that comprised every Monday morning, the blonde had tripped over one of Goku's irresponsibly misplaced skateboard wheels, stubbed his toe on his desk, wasted seven whole minutes damning his roommate to hell and back, and given up on showering before his first lecture of the day.

The dry erase board tacked to the outside of his door had become crowded with random phone numbers and e-mail addresses practically overnight Sunday, scribbled hastily and littered with gag-worthy hearts and promises of a "night that you'll be sure to remember." He was _almost _glad to see Gojyo's characteristic lazy scrawl over the anonymous admirers' writing, proclaiming that Sanzo was a "documented faggot", and that the "lovely ladies would be better off taking Gojyo Sha to Homecoming."

Almost.

He slammed the door loudly, ignoring the RA's stern and disapproving glare, and walked hurriedly out into the snow-covered quad. Silently he was disappointed that Goku had a math lecture an hour before his own, because he was completely alone walking to his nine o' clock class and his talkative roommate made a decent shield. As it stood he was playing hell shouldering off the seemingly endless hordes of females that insisted on jostling against him in the hallways and walking him to class.

As if the simpering, overly-perfumed gaggle of an escort wasn't bad enough, his female classmates in English Lit felt compelled to slide notes into his satchel. By the end of the three-hour lecture of old man Jikaku's droning his schoolbag was filled nearly to the brim with painstakingly folded origami hearts and birds, containing countless love declarations and further contact information. Sanzo felt the urge to throttle one particularly bold sophomore who made the mistake of grabbing his ass when he passed her in one of the university's more narrow corridors.

Where the fuck was Goku when you needed him?

"Well if it isn't the most wanted man on campus," came Kougaiji's taunting voice from somewhere over Sanzo's right shoulder. He groaned and ducked out of the crowd of students, practically running across the hazardous, icy quad, pride be damned. Goku's self-declared skateboarding rival had gone out of his way to make Sanzo's life a living hell since that half-pipe competition incident. Karma was a cruel bitch. If he could just make it to his dorm-room, he'd throw the deadbolt and barricade himself inside for the next five to seven days--whatever it took to get out of this nightmare...

All of the freezing air left Sanzo's lungs in one violent impact as he rounded a corner blindly and collided with another body. _Hard_. In his surprise his reaction time was delayed and he fell down on his ass on the salt-strewn concrete walkway. "Shit," he muttered, only to find his roommate sprawled across the stone floor in front of him, clutching the side of his head. "Idiot," Sanzo hissed, but he got to his feet and pulled Goku up roughly anyway, bending to help him collect his scattered books and beloved skateboard. One of the wheels had rolled off in an unseen direction and the brunette glanced around sadly for it before speaking.

"Sorry, Sanzo," he frowned. "Hakkai told me I'd better go look for you. That dumb roach is auctioning off your cell phone number in the women's locker room," he said, with a bit more venom in his voice than the blonde was used to hearing.

Sanzo sighed in defeat. Gojyo could have his laugh this time around. The Buddhism major was not willing to risk a trek across campus to stop him. Instead he tucked Goku's board under his own arm and nodded towards their dorm hall. "Fuck it. It's too cold right now, and they're calling for four more inches of snow tonight. Let that pervert freeze his ass off on his own."

Nodding, Goku lowered his eyes and fell in step beside his roommate, unnaturally somber, but Sanzo had enough on his mind without pondering the monkey's odd behavior as well. As it stood he was in growing danger of being raped by the better part of the female population of campus.

They were a foot from the solid oak door to their hall when the younger man stopped, frowning at the door as though it had insulted him. "Hey, Sanzo?" he asked quietly. "You aren't actually going to uh, call any of those girls, are you?" The brunette had the good sense to automatically sidestep out of striking distance as soon as the query left his mouth, but Sanzo didn't move to smack him. He stood staring down at the battered old skateboard in his hands, fingering the metal mount for the missing wheel absently.

"Do I really need to answer that?"

Goku shrugged. "I don't know. I heard some of the girls in my math class talking about you this morning. They're kinda cute--" he reasoned slowly, before a pair of cold, chapped lips cut him off.

Sanzo pulled away as quickly as he'd closed the distance between them, pushing past his roommate and pulling open the heavy wooden door to their residence hall. "C'mon, stupid, before the cold destroys the last brain cell in that thick head of yours. I almost tripped and died on one of your spare wheels this morning and you can fix this pile of junk with it." Goku smiled at him in what Sanzo could only describe as a confident, shit-eating grin, running to catch up to his longer-legged strides.

Maybe he didn't hate Homecoming Week nearly as much as he'd thought.


	5. Dedicated

Disclaimer: Kazuya Minekura owns Saiyuki. I do not.

Warning: Language.

Notes: A little play on words. Also, Coffeefox—Yeah, it is because of the diadem. Atheist 1—That was indeed a blink-and-miss display of affection from Sanzo. Everyone else—Thanks for taking the time out to review.

**Dedicated**

brkstrtrcr

July 2009

"Let me get this straight. All I have to do is walk along the edge to the other side of the roof, grab the flag, and bring it back? And I'm in? That's it?"

Gojyo offered the energetic freshman a reassuring smile that turned Sanzo's stomach. "That's right, Mark."

"My name's Matt."

"Whatever."

The blonde rolled his eyes and took a long drag from his cigarette before gesturing at the ledge of the roof, forty feet above the quad. "Get to it, kid. I don't have all night."

Mark-Matt nodded enthusiastically and carefully climbed over the roof's safety railing, edging along the narrow strip of scaffolding towards the university's flag rustling proudly on the cold night breeze. Beside Sanzo, Gojyo sighed contentedly and leaned back against the railing from their comfortable position on the rooftop proper of the campus library. "Third semester in a row that this many new pledges have turned out. Last semester I got almost a dozen."

Sanzo grunted to show that he was listening, bored violet eyes following the freshman's unsteady progress along the scaffolding before turning back to Gojyo. "So the first kid, assuming that he survives this little operation, gets the flag. What about the rest of them?"

A malicious grin took the redhead's handsome face. "The next one wears the flag--and _only _the flag--running across campus. The one after that ties it to the top of the old oak tree in the middle of the quad. The next one has to get it back down. After that I'll just make some shit up. I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda guy."

The blonde nodded as if this made all the sense in the world. He watched several of the pledges whispering nervously amongst themselves, shooting awed glances at he and Gojyo. "So why am I up here again?" he asked quietly. His room was warm, his sheets were dry, and Goku was there. That prospect seemed much more promising than a group of terrified freshmen on the snow-covered roof in their underwear, with the perverted roach as company and accomplice-in-crime.

"Because I needed your wit, grace, and charm to help things along," Gojyo cooed, chuckling when Sanzo elbowed him hard in the ribs. "Besides," he laughed, throwing an unwanted arm around the blonde's thin shoulders, "You've got a way with kids."

The Buddhism major growled under his breath and turned away from his infuriating companion. Several of the pledges where huddled together, whispering quickly to each other and gesturing towards him. "What the fuck are you looking at?" he barked. The freshmen averted their eyes hastily and fell silent.

"See what I mean?" Gojyo drawled.

"Ch'," the blonde snorted. As the first pledge made a frenzied grab for the university's flag, Sanzo tossed his cigarette over the railing and smirked. "When are you going to tell the that there's no such thing as the KTD fraternity?"

Gojyo glanced fondly at the shivering pledges and arched an eyebrow at his friend. "Hey, I don't care if the assholes in Admin refuse to officially acknowledge us." He grinned as the first freshmen clambered back over the railing, flag in-hand. "I'm proud to be a Kappa."


	6. Premeditated

Disclaimer: Kazuya Minekura owns Saiyuki. I do not.

Warning: One f-bomb. That's it. I know--I'm scared, too...

Notes: Because Uncle Gojyo is good for something, after all.

**Premeditated**

brkstrtrcr

July 2009

11:57pm.

He had three minutes, and then he could finally get to sleep. His Precalculus midterm hung over him, looming like a specter at nine tomorrow morning, but right now that wasn't foremost in his mind. No, he was waiting for midnight.

11:58pm.

The redheaded roach had kidnapped his moron of a roommate earlier today, after his last class of the afternoon had dismissed. The tiny dorm-room they shared had been ridiculously quiet, and to his surprise Sanzo hadn't been able to concentrate on his studying in the oppressive silence. He'd given up after a futile hour of trying, tossing his math book onto his bed and settling down on the windowsill instead.

11:59pm.

That had only lasted ten minutes or so. He'd found himself wandering across campus to visit Hakkai, asking a bit too casually if the brunette knew where Gojyo had kidnapped Goku off to or when he usually stumbled back home, drunk and undoubtedly touting some new venereal disease, but Hakkai had only shrugged politely and excused himself back to his Biology group. At least _someone _could concentrate on studying. Sanzo had trudged back to his uncomfortably empty room, hands stuffed into his pockets, cigarette clenched in the grim set of his mouth.

12:00am.

The alarm clock beamed cheerily up at him across the dark room and he rolled agilely out of his bunk. Careful not to step on the redhead sprawled unconscious across the makeshift bedroll ob the floor beside the bunk-bed, Sanzo climbed cautiously up the rickety wooden ladder attached to its side. Halfway up, he leaned over Goku's sleeping form. "Oi, monkey," he muttered, voice harsh but quiet. It took several rough jabs at the younger man's side before golden eyes blinked up at Sanzo blearily. Goku's alcohol-induced disorientation was only made worse by his roommate's effectively upside-down position, as he was leaning over the top bunk's railing at Goku's head.

"Sanzo?" he asked, normally smooth tenor a weak croak.

He was still completely wasted. "Ch'," the blonde snorted, then leaned down, closing the distance between them. He pressed his lips to Goku's, ignoring the dumbfounded groan he received and the vicious bite of hard liquor that lingered on the brunette's tongue. Sanzo knew that his roommate was far too intoxicated to remember this in the morning. That was his excuse. That was why it was perfectly acceptable to ravage the pliant mouth beneath his without inhibition, as if _he _were the one who had drunk himself stupid.

Beneath him, the brunette hiccuped against his lips. Sanzo pulled back an inch or so and rolled his eyes, but couldn't help the affectionate smirk that stole over his face--Goku had already lapsed back into his drunken coma, eyes closed, snoring softly. He allowed himself a brief moment to gaze down at his friend's oblivious face before sliding back down the ladder. "Happy fucking birthday, monkey," he muttered before climbing back into his own bed.

Sanzo took extra special care to tread on Gojyo's fingers as he did.

To everyone who's left a review, I thank you. And Neph, you are certainly not bothering me.


	7. Exasperated

Disclaimer: Kazuya Minekura owns Saiyuki. I do not.

Warning: Language, both vulgar and unpleasantly polite.

Notes: I'm blaming this entire idea on a lack of homework. And my secret infatuation with writing a very ticked-off Sanzo.

**Exasperated**

brkstrtrcr

August 2009

It was enough to drive a guy crazy. Sanzo ignored the irritation growing in his mind and forced his violet glare to the front of the lecture hall, but he could _feel _that annoying and entirely unwanted gaze on the back of his head.

A quick glance at the clock mounted to the wall told him that he would have to endure another seven minutes of this pest and then the bell would announce his chance to escape. And a rather obnoxious voice in the back of his head reminded him that he hadn't managed a successful evasion of this problem since it presented itself at the start of the fall semester, exactly four days ago.

Sanzo took a deep, calming breath and ignored the soft chuckle from directly behind him. At the front of the class his Religions professor was discussing what he no doubt considered highly fascinating aspects of Theravaden Buddhism. The blonde rolled his eyes, his gaze wandering around at his classmates. Most of the other students were either feigning rapt attention or sleeping outright. The kid to his immediate left was actually accumulating an impressive--albeit disgusting--puddle of drool on the cover of his brand new textbook.

"Tragic, is it not?" came that grating, quiet voice from behind him, and it sounded so damned close to his left ear he almost jumped at the contact of warm breath ghosting over the sensitive skin behind the appendage. "I doubt he'll get a fair trade-in price for that with a wet spot on the cover."

Sanzo tried with all of his might not to read into the other man's choice of phrasing and gritted his teeth. He didn't want to communicate with him, or sit in front of him, or even stand in the same zip code as the man. Normally the Buddhist's fierce glare was enough to keep people at bay--except for Goku, Gojyo, and Hakkai, of course--but this idiot behind him couldn't take a hint to save his life. He had tried ignoring him, but that had only earned him a smile. Avoidance was next on the list of antisocial tactics, but that had been damned near impossible when he found himself standing outside the lecture hall. Physical violence was fast becoming a true option, but Sanzo was reasonably certain that any carnal contact would be considered encouragement, and this guy wasn't exactly a pushover.

When the bell rang Sanzo almost bolted for the door like a spooked gazelle, but a firm hand around his wrist caused him to whip around, free fist cocked back and ready to strike. The man behind him was still settled easily at his own desk, slender black eyebrow arched in amused curiosity. It was the cool, placating charisma in the other student's strange eyes that made Sanzo hesitate in beating the holy hell out of him. "You forgot your phone," the man said smoothly, in his deep, rich, obnoxious voice. He handed it to Sanzo without relinquishing his firm but gentle grip.

The blonde stared at him, trying not to look as flustered as he felt. This was stupid. No one had managed to get under his skin as quietly and quickly as this guy. Sanzo refused to admit it, but something about that disarming smile and those exasperating bi-colored eyes made him uncomfortable.

"The appropriate thing to say at this point would be 'thanks', but I will be the rude one and assume that you appreciate my kindness," the man smiled. Sanzo snorted and jerked his arm away, storming out of the lecture hall and away from the infuriating man.

"Fuck off, Homura."

Sorry, but I couldn't resist throwing the War God into the mix. He and Sanzo are amusing to write together. And with the whole 'I-want-to-end-the-world' thing safely out of the plot-line, I truly believe that Sanzo is uncomfortable around him, and that makes me happy for some strange reason...


	8. Busted

Disclaimer: Kazuya Minekura owns Saiyuki. I do not.

Warning: Language, gay jokes, crude humor.

Notes: I got lazy and tried dialogue-only, for once. Tell me what you think.

**Busted**

brkstrtrcr

July 2009

"This is a centuries-old college tradition, Sanzo. Quit acting like an old man and get out here."

"One more word and I'll strangle you."

"C'mon, Sanzo! It's fun!"

"So is hitting retarded kids in wheelchairs, and at least that doesn't require my genitalia be involved."

"..."

"..."

"Depends on which state you--"

"That's _it_! Don't force your perverted delusions on me, Goyjo!"

"Hey, you were the one that dragged your holy dick into it!"

"Only because you've got such a _burning _urge to see it, freak."

"Wait, was that an STD joke?! That was another goddamned STD joke! How many times do I have to tell you that it only happened _once_?!"

"..."

"..."

"Gojyo, I think we might need to room with other people."

"Ugh, Hakkai not you, too!"

"I think a trip to the local health clinic may be in order, yes."

"Too bad they can't screen him for being clinically stupid."

"_Fuck you_, Sanzo!"

"Very clever. Resorting to profanity and one-syllable insults, are we? Did you hit your wit quota for the day?"

"I'll hit something all right, you stuck-up, narcissistic faggot!"

"Since when do you know SAT vocabulary words?!"

"You're just pissed that I beat your damned score by ten points!"

"..."

"Shit, Hakkai, I think we should separate them. See that vein in Sanzo's forehead? That only sticks out like that when he's about to kill something."

"An astute observation, Goku, but I'm not stepping into the crossfire this time. I'll have you recall the fight they got into Wednesday when I ended up in the nurse's office with three stitches."

"I see where you're comin' from."

"Slut!"

"Fairy!"

"Whore!"

"Princess!"

"At least I'm not known on campus as the 'Minuteman.'"

"Well at least no one's questioning my fucking sexuality between classes."

"Last time I checked there wasn't a running bet in the Biology Department that all of my venereal diseases would mutate into the next epidemic on campus."

"Yeah, and I'm not the one who beats off fantasizing about my roommate."

"That only happened _once_,and most people knock before busting into someone else's room!"

"Most people lock the fucking door and don't jack off on their roomie's bed, moaning into his pillow. 'Goku, yeah! Suck my--'"

"I. Fucking. _Hate._ You. Gojyo."

"..."

"So does this mean that Sanzo won't help us pee on the Science Club's snowman, 'Kai?"

"..."

"...Let me grab my coat."


	9. Misinformed

Disclaimer: Kazuya Minekura owns Saiyuki. I do not.

Warning: Language, minor gay jokes.

Notes: I laughed my ass off just writing this...

**Mis****inform****ed**

brkstrtrcr

August2009

Hakkai was really creeping him the fuck out.

The brunette was normally quiet, polite, reserved, and he often smiled to hide his discomfort, but the way his green eyes were smoldering behind his neat wire frames and the cruel edge twisting his thin lips was so inherently _wrong_. Oblivious to his roommate's mounting ire, the stupid redheaded roach continued to regale his friends--and by default of the volume of his voice, the entire cafeteria--with epic tales of his sexual conquests from the previous night.

This was certainly not how Sanzo wanted to spend his morning, but he was distracted by Hakkai's uncharacteristic reaction to these sordid details, and somehow the blonde just knew it had nothing to do with Goku's indisputably virgin presence at the table. The monkey was shoveling eggs and various meat products down his insatiable gullet with blinding speed and efficiency; he certainly wasn't ingesting a single word of this admittedly inappropriate conversation.

And the Buddhist was so intrigued by this strange play of emotions through Hakkai's glowing leaf-green eyes that he almost failed to notice his own roommate polish off his tray and turn his hungry golden gaze on Sanzo's untouched breakfast. The blonde pushed the tray over without the usual fight. Across the table, Gojyo the Conqueror was making some rather obscene gestures in the heat of his story. "...And then she tackles me to the floor, right there in the middle of the locker room--"

Hakkai stood abruptly, his chair scraping painfully across the stone tiles of the cafeteria, interrupting the redhead's spiel and earning a wince from the nearby tables. "Class," he choked out, clearing his throat and struggling to maintain his composure. "I have to go to class." Refusing to meet Gojyo's questioning gaze, Hakkai scooped up his schoolbag and turned on his heel, making a quick exit.

At Sanzo's right elbow, Goku paused with a fork-load of fruit salad halfway to his mouth and frowned. "Hakkai's first class doesn't start for another two hours," he muttered.

Ignoring his better judgment Sanzo hastily excused himself from the table, ruffling Goku's hair affectionately to stifle the avalanche of questions he saw forming in the monkey's feeble mind. He took off after Hakkai.

He found the man halfway to the library, trudging through the ankle-deep snow and scowling down at the fluffy stuff as he walked. Sanzo mused that he could almost see a small, angry little raincloud over his friend's hung head. "Hakkai," he called, skidding to a halt at the other man's side and doubling over to catch his breathe. "Wait."

"You should really quit smoking," Hakkai said quietly, but his voice sounded strained.

Sanzo looked up at him and sighed. "What's going on with you?" he asked. It wasn't that he was concerned, per se. He just didn't want to have to referee the fight he saw growing between the roommates. Hakkai was very similar to Sanzo in that he often bottled up his emotions to the breaking point. He'd never seen Hakkai snap, but he had a sick feeling that it would involve the roach maimed and hospitalized. While he didn't disapprove of that on general principle he didn't want Goku mixed up in the middle of things, and the monkey had a tendency to do just that.

Assured that his motivation wasn't particularly personal he waited for Hakkai to explain himself. Instead, the brunette shook his head sadly and sighed. "Let it alone, Sanzo," he advised. There was a fierceness about his gaze that made the normally stubborn blonde back down. He watched Hakkai disappear behind the large wooden doors to the library and scowled.

Two lectures and several new homework assignments later, Sanzo joined his roommate and the roach for lunch in their usual spot. Gojyo was noticeably subdued, and every now and then Goku would pause between mouthfuls of barbequed chicken to glance longingly at the fourth--empty--chair at their table. After fifteen solid minutes of silence Gojyo snarled at nothing in particular and rubbed his palms over his face in agitation. "This is stupid," he growled into his hands.

"It is," Sanzo agreed, then frowned at his lunch. Since when did he and the roach _ever _agree on anything? This whole situation was definitely getting out-of-hand...

"I don't know why he's acting like this," Gojyo grumbled.

"Me, either," replied the blonde.

Goku looked up from his partially-annihilated lunch. "He's jealous," he said, matter-of-factly, as if they were discussing the weather or something equally inane.

Gojyo and Sanzo's eyes shot up to the youngest of their group. Everyone was silent in the wake of this glorious new revelation. And then--

"Fuck off, monkey."

"Since when are you a licensed fucking psychologist?"

The brunette frowned at them and went back to his tray. "Fine. Don't believe me. I'm not the one who has to live with him when he's all scary and pissed off."

Gojyo's eyebrows shot to his hairline. He seemed to debate internally for a few moments before getting up from the table. "I'm gonna go talk to him."

Around dinner time Sanzo realized that with every meal they were losing members of their motley group. He sat beside Goku, watching him practically inhale his food with a mixture of mild awe and inherent disgust. He hadn't even bothered getting a tray for himself--something about today had destroyed his already fickle appetite. He was in a dreamlike trance, eyes unfocused and gazing not quite through Goku, when the monkey sat straight up in his chair and pointed rudely across the cafeteria. "Look, they must have made up," he smiled.

Sanzo gazed over in the general direction that Goku had indicated, reaching out absently to smack his hand down, and saw Gojyo and Hakkai making their way to the table. The brunette was sporting a brilliant black eye and Gojyo's lower lip was split. That, however, wasn't the worst of it.

They were both grinning like idiots.

They were both covered in bite marks and hickeys.

The Buddhist fought back the overwhelming urge to vomit. "They must have made out," he muttered. Goku blinked up at him curiously, and then a victorious smile curved his full lips.

"I told you!" he crowed, laughing loudly at the annoyed scowl on his roommate's face. "I fucking told you, but no, _I'm _just a stupid monkey! What do _I _know?"

Sanzo reached out and cuffed him across the head. "Being able to pick up on pheromones does not negate that you are in fact a stupid monkey," he snarled.

Amused golden eyes peeked out from the protective fortress of Goku's arms as he shielded his head from future blows. "Yeah, and that doesn't 'negate the fact' that you owe me twenty bucks!" he chuckled. "Pay up!"

Grumbling, Sanzo dug around in his pocket for his wallet. He'd always figured that given enough alcohol, or a serious shortage of willing female bed partners, Gojyo would switch teams in a heartbeat. No self-respecting, completely heterosexual male used flowery-scented conditioner. But _Hakkai..._?

He made a mental note to keep a closer eye on Gojyo's roommate as he handed a wad of bills over to a still-cackling Goku.


	10. Baited

Disclaimer: Kazuya Minekura owns Saiyuki. I do not.

Warning: The usual. In case there's any confusion, this arc has taken a mild 39 turn. It just snuck in there.

Notes: If Gojyo is beginning to come across as an asshole... Well, he is. XD Also, I go back to school in two days, so I may be updating this more frequently again. Gods know I need _something_ to do in class...

**Baited**

brkstrtrcr

August 2009

Why he had allowed himself to enroll in the same winter Biology class as these three rejects Sanzo couldn't say. He chalked it up to temporary insanity. If he was really honest with himself it was because of the pleading look in Goku's gold eyes. He never could stand up to those eyes.

Beside him, the monkey was amusing himself with what appeared to be a map of the destination for their field trip. Sanzo noted with unvoiced exasperation that the younger man was circling not sites of scientific interest but particularly interesting restaurants in the surrounding area.

A rough kick to the back of his seat jarred Sanzo out of his observations, and he didn't bother to turn and look behind him. Gojyo was no doubt bored and looking for entertainment of his own. Calmly flicking the redhead off over the back of his seat, Sanzo leaned against the window and watched the landscape roll by. It was ultimately bland and boring, but he had a feeling that the next few hours would bear nothing more noteworthy to look at, and his pride wouldn't allow him to stare at Goku that long.

"Oi, Blondie," came Gojyo's voice. When his roommate dropped his scavenging guide onto his lap and turned to acknowledge the roach, Sanzo felt that he had no choice but to follow suit. He turned to rest his back against the window, sliding one leg behind Goku, and glared over the back of the seat.

The redhead was grinning like a son-of-a-bitch, and that was _never _a good thing. "Whatever scheme you're cooking up back there, keep me and the monkey out of it," he drawled. Goku shot him an annoyed look but didn't undermine him.

Beside Gojyo, Hakkai shook his head and looked away. That sent another screaming red flag up in Sanzo's mind. If his own best friend wanted nothing to do with whatever it was that had Gojyo so riled up, it was best to follow his example. "Y'know the forest we're going to?"

"If you're referring to the giant patch of woods where we're spending the next three weeks without electricity, running water, or civilization, then yes," Sanzo replied archly.

"Yeah, well according to this awesome book I found in the library, that forest is haunted," he grinned, holding up an old, leather-bound volume tauntingly.

Beside him, Goku tensed up immediately, his eyes widening. "Haunted?" he asked quietly.

Sanzo rolled his eyes, cuffing his roommate across the back of his head. "Since when are insects literate?" He lunged across the back of his seat, snatching the book from Gojyo and dodging easily out of the way as the redhead tried to grab it back. Sanzo thumbed to the index, found a listing for their destination, and turned the pages until the name of the forest appeared in bold print.

After several minutes of violet eyes scanning text, Sanzo snapped the book shut and tossed it none-too-gently at the redhead. "It's a bunch of bullshit," he said to Goku. "Don't listen to him."

The monkey didn't look too reassured, though. And when Gojyo started reading carefully-selected passages from the book in a loud, dramatic voice, Sanzo ground his teeth together in aggravation and ignored the other man. It was harder to tune out the nervous apprehension tensing through Goku's lithe frame. The brunette looked terrified. In the back of a crowded university tour bus with Gojyo directly behind them was not really an appropriate place to console the younger man though, so Sanzo stared out his window at the snow-blanketed countryside rolling by.

That night Gojyo was too exhausted to actively torture the monkey. They all were. The class had spent the better part of two hours hiking through icy, rocky terrain to their campsite, then were abandoned by their guide and instructor to set up their own tents. To save them extra labor, Sanzo and his three friends had decided to bring one two-roomed tent. The blonde had instantly regretted that decision when Hakkai announced--too cheerfully for Sanzo's nerves--that the dividing wall was actually a mesh screen that afforded little privacy and absolutely no noise insulation.

All thoughts of Goku-sans-clothing up in smoke, the blonde had set out to forage for firewood, if for no other motivation than to get away from the irritating redhead, who was making ghoulish moaning and groaning noises at every available opportunity in lieu of jumping out of random places and scaring the Goku half to death. At this point Sanzo had no longer cared about random bear attacks or his grade point average--he had to put some distance between himself and Gojyo or risk picking up a murder charge.

By the time he made it back to camp with a meager armload of fire fuel Goku was white as a sheet and Hakkai was daring Gojyo with a frightening look to continue taunting the skateboarder. They were sitting around the crackling campfire, an awkward silence in the air, and Sanzo wondered for a brief moment if braving hostile wildlife and the elements wasn't a safer bet than spending the night in close proximity to these three.

Dinner was a modest affair, roasted hotdogs on sticks and a metal pot of Spaghettios heated over the fire. Stomach growling in protest, Goku crawled into the left side of the tent and passed out. After smoking one final cigarette with a strangely somber Gojyo, Sanzo decided to call it a night, as well.

Only, Goku was definitely not asleep when the blonde climbed into their half of the tent and zipped the flap behind himself. His roommate was wide-awake, laying on his sleeping bag and staring up at the ceiling canvas. "What's wrong?" Sanzo asked quietly, tugging off his boots. "This isn't about that stupid fucking book, is it?"

Hakkai and Gojyo were still sitting outside near the fire, so at least he didn't have to worry about the infuriating roach eavesdropping. He sat down on his own sleeping bag after pushing it up against the monkey's. If asked, Sanzo would insist it was only to share body heat--it was damned near forty degrees out tonight.

Sighing, Goku rolled onto his side and wrapped his arms around Sanzo's waist, burying his face in the man's lean stomach. "Maybe," he said miserably.

The Buddhism major groaned in exasperation. "Goku, I don't know why you let him get under your skin like that. He's just trying to scare you," he hissed. The blonde shoved his roommate away and slid into his own sleeping bag. "Go to sleep."

Goku looked over at him hopefully. "Can I sleep in there with you?" he asked. Sanzo was mildly impressed by his boldness, but ultimately not enough to relent.

"Absolutely not."

Defeated gold eyes looked down at Goku's own sleeping bag before rising to Sanzo's violet gaze. The little shit was being calculating about this. "Please?"

"One more word and you're sleeping outside," Sanzo growled. He shut his eyes, effectively making himself immune to Goku's resolve-destroying gaze, and decided to go to sleep before the monkey could start talking again. He certainly did not reach out and take Goku's hand and pull him closer and unzip his sleeping bag and shift over to make room for the warmth and comfort of his roommate's wiry frame. He definitely didn't let the idiot kiss him. And when Gojyo finally entered the opposite side of the tent and started talking shit about him, under no certain terms did Sanzo kick him in the stomach through the thin mesh dividing wall.

He most assuredly didn't smile when Goku grinned appreciatively against his throat at the howl of pain the redhead let out.


End file.
